Humor


“Nobody loves change but a baby with a wet diaper.”
-Unknown


“In the long run, the pessimist may be proved to be right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip.”
-Daniel Reardan


“All theories are wrong, but some are useful.”
Albert Einstein


“We’re all in this together, by ourselves.”
-Lily Tomlin


“When I was young I read about the decline of Western civilization, and decided it was something I wanted to make a contribution to.”
-George Carlin


“I always knew I wanted to be somebody when I grew up. I just didn’t know I needed to be more specific.”
-Lily Tomlin


“I knew god doesn’t send me anything I can’t handle, I just wish he didn’t have so much confidence in me.”
-Mother Teresa


“You can observe a lot just by watching.”
-Yogi Berra


“When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”
-Yogi Berra


“The pessimist may be right in the long run, but the optimist has more fun on the journey.”
-Unknown


“Reality can be quite stressful especially if you are in touch with it.”
-Lily Tomlin


“If you’re not failing every now and again, it’s a sign you’re not doing anything very innovative.”
-Woody Allen


“When choosing between two evils, I always try the one I’ve never tried before.
-Mae West


“There’s a world market for about five computers.”
-Thomas Watson


“Heavier than air flying machines are impossible.”
-Lord Kelvin


“X-rays will prove to be a hoax.”
-Lord Kelvin


“Well informed people know it is impossible to transmit the voice over wires and that were it possible to do so, the thing would be of no practical value.”
-Boston Post editorial, 1865


“Success is moving from failure to failure without the loss of enthusiasm.”
-Winston Churchill


“When our first parents were driven out of Paradise, Adam is believed to have remarked to Eve, ‘My dear, we live in an age of transition.’”
-Dean Inge


“Good judgment comes from experience—most experience comes from bad judgment.”
-Unknown


“In spite of the cost of living, it’s still popular.”
-Kathy Norris


“Collaboration – an unnatural act between non-consenting adults.”
-Unknown


“Thinks will get better despite our efforts to improve them.”
-Will Rogers


You might be from the NorthWest if you…..
Feel guilty throwing an aluminum can in the trash.
Use the words ‘sun breaks’ and know what it means.
Know more than 10 words to describe a cup of coffee.
Obey all traffic laws EXCEPT “keep right unless passing.”
Never go camping without waterproof matches and ponchos.
Feel overdressed wearing a suit to a nice restaurant.
Hear the work “ferry” and think of boats and long waits.
Know more people who own boats than air conditioners.
Stand on a deserted street corner in the rain waiting for the light to change
Know at least eight people who work for either Microsoft or Boeing.
Are amazed by an accurate weather forecast.
Consider if it doesn’t have snow on it or has not recently erupted, regardless of altitude, it is a “hill” not a “mountain”.
Only honk your car horn if a collision is imminent, NEVER for anything else.
Go to a really nice bar and sit at a table.
Invite twice as many people as you really want to a party since only half will actually show up.
Consider etiquette a foreign word.
Complain about Californians as you sell your house to one for twice what you paid for it.
Know what Lutefiske is.
Personally know someone from Alaska.
Resent being called a “weirdo”.
Find a wallet with $500 in it, and give it all back to the owner.
Know the difference between Chinook, Coho, and Sockeye Salmon.
Know how to pronounce “Sequim”, “Puyallup”, and “Issaquah.”
Used to live somewhere else, but don’t admit it in public.
Consider swimming an indoor sport.
Can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese, and Thai food.
Have roots in Oregon, Idaho or Montana, but wanted a high paying job.
Are currently working as a computer consultant in Portland.
Have ever tried to get a job in Alaska, especially a summer job only.
Think skiing always means being covered from head to toe, on snow or water.
In winter, go to work in the dark and go home in the dark, but only have an eight hour day.


E-mail: jay@BloomAnew.com
Phone: 808-753-4331
Cell: 503-381-2649

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